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You Read the Book...Now See the Movie...Due for Release Within the Millennium

I NEVER DO RESEARCH...NEVER EVER!
My feeling is...If you do a Proper Search the first time...there should be no need to Re-Search!

George Speaks of Literature
When we think of Literature, in a literary sense, we literally must remember to give proper credit to WORDS.
Words are important to Literature...They hold together the punctuation and grammer.
Without WORDS...Literature would be quite different.

People today are different from those of the past. Take for instance the ancient Romans. For pleasure they drank wine, ate fruit, and watched slaves and gladiators mutilate, dilapidate, and kill each other.
We’re a kinder gentler society. We drink beer, eat hot dogs, and watch baseball...a much nicer sport...a nice gentle, quiet game...nobody gets killed.
Yeah, nobody gets killed. Maybe that’s what’s wrong with it? It wasn’t always like that you know.
Allow me to take you on a magical mystical trip back in time to those thrilling days of yesteryear when foundations rocked and the very walls of the stadium rumbled like a Roman Coliseum. When bolts of lightning shot across the spectrum and crashes of thunder reverberated through the stands almost drowned out by the cheers of bloodthirsty fans screaming for cadavers.
You’ve no need for modern-day reality special effects for this trip, just close your eyes and let your imagination take you away.
We’re at Forbes Field, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. The year doesn’t matter but it’s sometime during the mid-sixties and the stands are rocking!
It’s the top of the ninth inning and the Pirates are leading by a single run. The opposition has the bases loaded with one out...Good right-handed hitter at bat...
Stop thinking today baseball! Sure the situation looks bleak, but we’re in the sixties, remember? In those days the situation was just what the fans wanted.
The stands are rumbling like thunder as everyone stomps their feet on the floor. Shouts are heard, “Pitch him outside,” “Make him hit it to right.” You can feel the electricity!
Suddenly a long fly ball blast’s toward the outfield. The fans leave their seats and watch in awe as the right fielder routinely runs back and catches the ball with his back to the wall for the second out.
The runner on third base tags up and sprints for home. The fielder leans back and unleashes a throw to the plate. Eyes pop wide open and smiles beam across the faces of every fan as they watch a controlled bolt of lightning shoot in from the far depths of the stadium’s ivy covered bastion.

Nobody watches the runner...nobody cares.
All eyes are on the magnificent throw that roars in with no bounces and slams into the catcher’s mitt about a foot off the ground, so much ahead of the runner the catcher has to wait for him...label him Dead On Arrival!
The stadium erupts as delirious fans react to the play that won another game for the Pirates in a manner such as even imperial Rome never experienced.
I’m from those days so I know who the fielder is, but you are not. You look around for a person subdued but the fervor of the moment has infested them all. Finally you find someone catching his breath.
“Who is that guy?” you ask.
“Are you kidding, Stranger? That’s Roberto Clemente! We call him “The Great One!”
I slap you across the back of the head and you’re trip is over.
You’re back in modern times where they have to shoot t-shirts to the fans and bring in clowns for excitement. You want to go back but it’s one trip to a customer. You ask for other good days incase you ever do get to return and I tell you any day is a good one. When Clemente played those things happened.
When The Great One went to work people died. There were those who tried to score from second base...Dead on Arrival at home plate.

Those going from first to third, D.O.E And the best, the very best were those tagging from third on a fly ball...Deader than a doornail! He knocked off more guys than Rome’s greatest gladiator.
Cincinnati had the swiftest runners. Vada Pinson was probably the fastest. In one game Roberto threw out three Reds who tried to score from third base on balls hit to the wall.
TWO OF THEM WERE VADA PINSON.

After the game Pinson remarked that the first ball was hit so deep he really didn’t run hard because he thought there was no way he was going to be thrown out. But on the second he said he ran as fast as he could and Clemente still had the ball waiting for him.
Very seldom did a throw by Clemente ever touch the ground. I guess he didn’t want to get the ball dirty.
I was at a game at Forbes Field sitting in my favorite spot, the Right Field Stands behind Clemente. These were great seats! Those stands were always full. Clemente was having a bit of a problem. Because of his reputation he wasn’t getting many assists for throwing runners out. Everyone was literally running to the next base and stopping right on the bag without taking a turn, (When was the last time you saw that in the big leagues?) On this particular day a hotshot rookie, who obviously didn’t know any better, hit a single to right and took a big turn around first base. Well, Clemente scooped it up, (Right in front of me) and leaned back lining up his throw to second base. As he came over his head with the throw he held on a little longer and flung a bullet to first.
The first baseman, Don Clendenon, was standing on the bag with his hands on his hips blowing a bubble with his gum as he often did. Before he knew what happened he almost swallowed the gum and instinctively covered his stomach with his hands in self-defense. The ball hit off the heal of his glove and sailed into the first base dugout. The runner was a good six feet from the bag. He ended up at second base and they gave an error to Clemente for throwing behind the runner even though he was a dead duck. We looked for that scorekeeper after the game but he must have snuck out through a tunnel or something?

WORLD NEWS...AND BEYOND!

ARIZONANS SEE UFO!

NASA says it's a research balloon.

PHOENIX – NASA officials say it wasn't an alien spacecraft people in Arizona and New Mexico spotted floating far above them in the clear blue sky, just a giant research balloon.

A paranoid woman who runs a UFO-theme Store in Arizona says it "looked like the gigantic bubble from the Wizard of Oz."

Federal Aviation Administration spokesmen said there was no cause for alarm, “Even if it was a Wizard of Oz bubble, we must stringently remind you that both Bad Witches are dead, so it has to be a Good Witch.”

Sam Sham of NASA's Columbia Scientific Balloon Facility in Palestine, Texas, says the mysterious flying orb was a 4,000-pound NASA research balloon used to measure gamma ray emissions coming from unknown sources throughout the universe.

A 4,000-pound balloon? We seem to have gotten to the point where they think they can tell us ANYTHING and we’ll believe it.

NASA sources did say that aliens have been considering balloon flights as alternatives for traveling throughout our atmosphere due to rising fuel costs on their home planets.
By George

Belching Moose Contribute to Global Warming

OSLO (AFP) - A grown moose belches out methane gas equivalent to 2,100 kilograms (4,630 pounds) of carbon dioxide a year, contributing to global warming.

That is more than twice the amount of CO2 emitted on a round-trip flight across the Atlantic Ocean.

"An adult moose emits about 100 kilograms of methane gas which is much stronger than carbon dioxide said a professor at the Norwegian University of Life Sciences.

With an estimated 140,000 moose roaming Norway's forests, that is a total of 294,000,000 kilograms of CO2 per year.

Because methane gas is stronger than carbon dioxide, it is considered even more harmful to the environment.

This reporter consulted Professor Penwose who just completed his own study of mooses. He concurred that the belching of the moose was a concern but added his own findings showed that moose fart ten times more than they belch.

By George

SCHOOLBOY PROVES NASA WRONG

Hinkly Dinkly Reporting
With Catamaglostic News

BERLIN (AFP) - A 13-year-old German schoolboy corrected NASA's estimates on the chances of an asteroid colliding with Earth, after spotting the boffins had miscalculated.

Does anybody know what boffins means? My spellchecker suggests “buffoons” which seems to apply?

Actually I know it means a scientist, but I wanted to get the buffoon thing in there.

Nico Marquardt used telescopic findings from the Institute of Astrophysics in Potsdam (AIP) to calculate that there was a 1 in 450 chance that the Apophis asteroid will collide with Earth.

NASA had previously estimated the chances at only 1 in 45,000 but told its sister organization, the European Space Agency (ESA), that the young whizzkid had got it right.

It seems NASA had forgotten to move several decimal points...just kidding!

The schoolboy took into consideration the risk of Apophis running into one or more of the 40,000 satellites
orbiting Earth during its path
cont. next

close to the planet on April 13 2029.

If the asteroid strikes a satellite in 2029, that will change its trajectory making it hit Earth on its next orbit in 2036 probably with a direct hit on Wall Street. News of this has already sent markets plunging.

Both NASA and Marquardt agree that if the asteroid does collide with Earth, it will bring about the end of civilization for everyone including Will Smith.
This reporter has foreseen an even greater peril befalling The Earth should the asteroid pinball into our maze of satellites. Obviously communications would be wiped out as well as satellite TV leaving us with cable. The greater horror would be on our highways where Tom Toms and other portable GPS car navigation systems would go haywire causing cars, trucks, motorhomes and all other motorized vehicles to collide in a huge catamaglostic conundrum that would gridlock our highways for years.

By the time the asteroid actually hit, nobody would even care anymore.

Editors note: This reporter suggests changing the word hemorrhoid with asteroid as the term seems to apply more aptly to that of the latter.

Hinkly Out!
By George