When we think of Literature, in a literary sense, we literally must remember to give proper credit to WORDS.
Words are important to Literature...They hold together the punctuation and grammer.
Without WORDS...Literature would be quite different.
of the past. Take for instance the
ancient Romans. For pleasure they drank wine, ate fruit, and watched
slaves and gladiators mutilate, dilapidate, and kill each other.
very best were those
tagging from third on a fly ball...Deader than a doornail! He knocked
off more guys than Rome’s greatest gladiator.
Very seldom did a throw by Clemente ever touch the ground. I guess he didn’t want to get the ball dirty.
I was at a game at Forbes Field sitting in my favorite spot, the Right Field Stands behind Clemente. These were great seats! Those stands were always full. Clemente was having a bit of a problem. Because of his reputation he wasn’t getting many assists for throwing runners out. Everyone was literally running to the next base and stopping right on the bag without taking a turn, (When was the last time you saw that in the big leagues?) On this particular day a hotshot rookie, who obviously didn’t know any better, hit a single to right and took a big turn around first base. Well, Clemente scooped it up, (Right in front of me) and leaned back lining up his throw to second base. As he came over his head with the throw he held on a little longer and flung a bullet to first.
The first baseman, Don Clendenon, was standing on the bag with his hands on his hips blowing a bubble with his gum as he often did. Before he knew what happened he almost swallowed the gum and instinctively covered his stomach with his hands in self-defense. The ball hit off the heal of his glove and sailed into the first base dugout. The runner was a good six feet from the bag. He ended up at second base and they gave an error to Clemente for throwing behind the runner even though he was a dead duck. We looked for that scorekeeper after the game but he must have snuck out through a tunnel or something?
NASA says it's a research balloon.
PHOENIX – NASA officials say it wasn't an alien spacecraft people in Arizona and New Mexico spotted floating far above them in the clear blue sky, just a giant research balloon.
A paranoid woman who runs a UFO-theme Store in Arizona says it "looked like the gigantic bubble from the Wizard of Oz."
Federal Aviation Administration spokesmen said there was no cause for alarm, “Even if it was a Wizard of Oz bubble, we must stringently remind you that both Bad Witches are dead, so it has to be a Good Witch.”
Sam Sham of NASA's Columbia Scientific Balloon Facility in Palestine, Texas, says the mysterious flying orb was a 4,000-pound NASA research balloon used to measure gamma ray emissions coming from unknown sources throughout the universe.
A 4,000-pound balloon? We seem to have gotten to the point where they think they can tell us ANYTHING and we’ll believe it.
NASA sources did say that aliens have been considering balloon flights as alternatives for traveling throughout our atmosphere due to rising fuel costs on their home planets.
- A grown moose belches out methane gas equivalent to 2,100 kilograms
(4,630 pounds) of carbon dioxide a year, contributing to global
SCHOOLBOY PROVES NASA WRONGHinkly Dinkly Reporting
With Catamaglostic News
BERLIN (AFP) - A 13-year-old German schoolboy corrected NASA's estimates on the chances of an asteroid colliding with Earth, after spotting the boffins had miscalculated.
Does anybody know what boffins means? My spellchecker suggests “buffoons” which seems to apply?
Actually I know it means a scientist, but I wanted to get the buffoon thing in there.
Nico Marquardt used telescopic findings from the Institute of Astrophysics in Potsdam (AIP) to calculate that there was a 1 in 450 chance that the Apophis asteroid will collide with Earth.
NASA had previously estimated the chances at only 1 in 45,000 but told its sister organization, the European Space Agency (ESA), that the young whizzkid had got it right.
It seems NASA had forgotten to move several decimal points...just kidding!
The schoolboy took into consideration the risk of Apophis running into one or more of the 40,000 satellites
orbiting Earth during its path
|close to the planet on April 13 2029.
If the asteroid strikes a satellite in 2029, that will change its trajectory making it hit Earth on its next orbit in 2036 probably with a direct hit on Wall Street. News of this has already sent markets plunging.
Both NASA and Marquardt agree that if the asteroid does collide with Earth, it will bring about the end of civilization for everyone including Will Smith.
This reporter has foreseen an even greater peril befalling The Earth should the asteroid pinball into our maze of satellites. Obviously communications would be wiped out as well as satellite TV leaving us with cable. The greater horror would be on our highways where Tom Toms and other portable GPS car navigation systems would go haywire causing cars, trucks, motorhomes and all other motorized vehicles to collide in a huge catamaglostic conundrum that would gridlock our highways for years.
By the time the asteroid actually hit, nobody would even care anymore.
Editors note: This reporter suggests changing the word hemorrhoid with asteroid as the term seems to apply more aptly to that of the latter.
Body odor went virtually undetected for hundreds of years because everyone had it. It wasn’t until the Renaissance of the 12th century, when people started to bathe, that folks began to “Smell things.” It was found that those who didn’t bathe didn’t smell the others who smelled, and those that did bathe smelled all the others who didn’t.
The Duke of Wellington instructed his men to bathe before the Battle of Waterloo, which gave them a decided advantage over the French. Napoleon had hoped for an element of surprise. However, since the English were clean they were able to detect the body odor of the French. Sadly it was later learned that a French chemist, Pierre Cologne, discovered a splash on lotion, (that would have changed the course of history,) had he not been just moments late of arriving in time.
falling in the forest makes no sound unless there is
someone to hear it. Not unlike that tree, there is no BO unless there
is someone to smell it. Therefore stay away from people!
Fortunately those who sweat with us, smell with us. BO cannot smell BO. We cannot smell them and they cannot smell us. Only associate with others who sweat. We need to avoid people after workouts until we are able to shower. The road home can be a nightmare if you let it. Elevators are risky but they’re the quickest way out of buildings. If you have no time to take the stairs the elevator will do if precautions are taken. Look in the car and make sure you will be riding alone. If it should stop on the way down be ready to leap out.
Once you reach the ground floor exit the building as quickly as possible. If you don’t have a car, NEVER walk home with BO, you will only sweat more and may bump into folks along the way. Always take Public Transportation. Busses and subways are invariably jammed with people reeking of BO. You will not be noticed.
Once you arrive home, bathe...and your problems are over.
will come when a bathtub is not available.
On those rare
occasions a “Marine Shower” is generally considered a good cover-up.
Merely spray yourself with a robust deodorant, however don’t overdo it.
According to my Grandmother
better way of covering up unsightly BO then dousing yourself with mass
quantities of cheap perfume. An oversized bag is essential for carrying
spare bottles for touch-up spritzes throughout the day. Unfortunately
this tends to be rather costly for those on fixed incomes so she
doesn’t go out much anymore.
Money can solve ANYTHING. If you find yourself in an uncontrolled situation and fear the presence of BO, start throwing money around! You’ll be amazed at how your odor won’t even be noticed...at least for awhile.
If you think you may have amassed an unsuitable level of BO while sweating in the waiting room of a job interview, ask the receptionist if you can take a shower before your parlay.
If you have a job that requires you to sweat, quit the job immediately for a variety of reasons.
YOU NEVER SAW DUCKS LIKE THESE!
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